Tuesday, August 12, 2008

stuck in a moment


She opened her eyes and looked at the clock. It showed 3:15, but outside it was already light and she could hear some seagulls, so it must have been at least 7. Then she remembered he had taken out the battery. She looked at him sleeping peacefully next to her and slowly, trying not to wake him up, turned on her other side. Suddenly she felt his arm around her waist, pulling her closer, then his warm lips on her naked shoulder made her shiver…
She felt something moving next to her legs and woke up to see it was only the kitten that had woken up and wanted to play. She realized she was in her own room, alone, and that she had dreamt again. But the things she dreamt of had already happened. Hard as she might try she couldn’t get out of her mind everything that had happened three weeks before, the wonderful moments she had spent with him and how short time after that he disappeared without saying a word, without giving an explanation… It seemed to her she was stuck in the past and nothing could bring her into the present. It had happened before, but this time it seemed to be hurting a lot more and taking a longer time to heal… She was sorry she had believed everything he said, all the plans that he was making. She was sorry she rushed into things and had let them go too far. She should have been more careful… Now she’s picking up the pieces of her broken heart and getting back up and back in the game. The cruel game of love… It’s like riding a horse, they say, if it throws you off, just get back in the saddle and try again. She is sick of always trying and failing. He had told her to let him be her last try. And she trusted him wholeheartedly. Hopefully he did not fool her entirely… Hopefully he was her last try and the next one will be for real…
She is strong and she knows she will eventually be again the person she was before knowing him. And she will enjoy life again, even if she is by herself. She doesn’t need anybody else to make her feel complete, though she thought she needed him… But there is still one question on her mind: “Why?”.........................................